Advice from PFML
I’ve been in love twice in my life, once back in high school and once here. It’s completely and utterly different from a crush (of which I’ve had dozens), and it hasn’t occurred in all of my relationships. You’ll know it when you see it though. It’s more than an infatuation. It’s a feeling that completely envelops you for a long period of time. It’s wonderful and scary, and it hits you all at once. You think about the person all the time (for months or years as it starts out), and you will always want to be with them. If you’re apart from each other, reuniting is the best thing in the world. In my experience it’s somewhat of an addiction. But a wonderful and natural addiction. You’ll also really know love when love ends. My first love went away to another country, my second love broke my heart. Both took me months to get over. It feels like a death, and it haunts you. You still feel it and dream about it, but you know you’ll never be able to feel it again with that person. It sucks so hard, but maybe it’s worth it? Even though we were together for a while, I never truly trusted my second love, but she was also my first time “to home plate” sexually. That was very painful at times. My advice for people who want to get that serious is to get to know the people you date really well first, and if you want to be that serious wait until you trust the person to do stuff sexually (this obviously isn’t true of a “hook up”). I’m a dude and I’m saying this, but I think that’s the way to develop healthy relationships if that’s what you’re looking for. This experience is completely different from a hook-up. Sadly, I’m not sure how many people here have had it. My observation is that a lot of Princeton people are too self-centered and goal-oriented to try to commit that much of themselves to another person. People also don’t seem to think they have the time. All of this being said, don’t feel lonely. Some of the best times in my life have been when I’m completely single. If nothing’s happening romantically at the moment, you can really get to know yourself. In the long run this will help you to find the person who’s right for you. Also don’t beat up on yourself someday if you do fall in love and it doesn’t work out. This happens all the time, and it sucks so hard but those heartbreak periods can also be great times to reconnect with yourself and with other friends you may have lost touch with while you were in the relationship. With everything, you have to give yourself time. Don’t ever force or rush falling in love or falling out of love. This is the best advice I can give you.
